I read the Side-Chick Contract and I was furious. The contract pretends that the woman is likely to become unhinged if she doesn’t get what she wants in the relationship. Side-Dudes become unhinged, too, and they are WORSE.
I dumped my Side-Dude back in February and he made my life a living hell.
Part 1: My Husband's Affair
Let’s roll it back…I got married 5 years ago. After our son was born, my husband decided that I no longer deserved his attention. He stopped coming home after work because our son was ‘too loud’ for him to concentrate or enjoy his games.
He stopped making love to me because my ‘kangaroo pouch’ was a turn off.
Mind you, at the same time, he was getting up at 4 a.m. to go workout in the gym in our building. I tried to meet him halfway; I even suggested that we could leave the baby monitor on so that I could work out with him.
“NO,” he said firmly. “Stay HERE.” Then he left.
At that moment I knew that his Side-Chick was in the gym. I waddled my fat ass to my son’s room, turned on the baby monitor, grabbed my phone and went down to the gym to meet her.
He walked past the front desk grinning with a beautiful woman who was grinning right back at him. He placed his hand on the small of her back as she led him to the elliptical machines.
He never noticed I was standing there.
I confronted him and he called me all kinds of crazy and that I was embarrassing him, and that the female was just a neighbor. You know what was odd, though? She never left his side. She planted her feet right next to him, so I KNOW they’ve slept together, probably many times. The gym manager asked us to leave; my husband refused, so then he asked me to leave, and I did.
Part 2: THE SIDE-DUDE
Having a baby, baby fat and a cheating husband really messed up my self-esteem.
The sunshine in my life was my coworker, a security guard at the hospital where I work.
My coworker told me I was beautiful before the baby, during my pregnancy and after the weight gain.
He called me his work-wife. He brought me flowers. He bought my son stuffed animals. He treated me to lunch; and when I worked late, he stayed behind too, just to walk me to my car. My coworker did every thoughtful thing that you could imagine, and it seemed natural to make love to him.
My husband never noticed that I was having an affair, although he stopped having HIS affair. He did say that he felt I was absent…that my love was elsewhere.
I denied everything and would leave the house at odd hours to be with my Side-Dude.
Then my father died.
My father raised me to be a better woman than this, so I told my Side-Dude that I couldn’t see him anymore.
PART 3: THE SIDE-DUDE GOES CRAZY
For two days, my Side-Dude skipped work. On the third day he called my office phone. “You sure you want to do this?” he asked. “Yeah,” I said. “This ain’t right.”
In short order, my coworker, my ride-or-die, my knight in shining armor who walked me to the parking lot late at night, FLIPPED OUT ON ME.
He met my husband at our building and gave him an envelope with motel receipts, printed text messages, everything.
My husband called me and told me to come downstairs.
I emerged from the elevator to see my two ‘husbands’ standing there.
I turned around and took the elevator back upstairs.
My husband didn't go to work, we sat there and cried, talked, carefully tried to clear the air about where we both went wrong. We decided that we could make it work.
I know my husband cheated first, but I could only speculate…my husband had a printout of my adulterous text messages. One message from the Side-Dude read: “Your ankles are my fave earrings, LOL!”
My husband says he forgives me but I know he doesn’t. He looks at our son suspiciously, as if that kid who looks just like him may not be his son.
It was hard to forgive myself. At one point, I showered three times a day because I felt cheap and dirty.
But wait, it gets worse.
My ‘work husband’ said he felt unsafe around me since HE ended our affair and HR moved him to a different floor of the hospital. Now my coworkers look at me like I’m the crazy stalker Side-Chick. They don't respect me.
Sorry this is long. I just want to put it out there that SIDE-DUDES NEED CONTRACTS TOO because they can really become dangerous, emotional b!tches when you end things.
Photo: Posed by a professional model.