By Zondra Hughes
Big Mike, my childhood friend, told me that his former Sidechick nearly destroyed his marriage because she didn't know the 10 golden rules that men expect their Sidechicks to follow.
"She was all over the place, violating all the rules," Big Mike said. "I thought we had an understanding."
The SideChick Contract: Big Mike's 10 Rules for the Other Woman
You are the other woman. This does not mean that you are the only other woman. Act accordingly.
Please focus on the stolen moments that we spend together. Do not concern yourself with my whereabouts when we are apart. Frankly speaking, my life outside of our time together is not your concern.
Be comfortable with who you are to me; do not mention my wife and/or main woman, as she is not your concern. Do NOT compare yourself to my main chick in any way and do not attempt to contact her -- to do so would be a breach of our contract.
Anticipate frequent changes in our plans; for the most part, a spur of the moment escape is the best that I can do.
You must understand that maintaining a positive vibe while we are in each other's company is vital to the success of our situationship. No bickering or nagging about promises that I didn't keep.
We are secret lovers; we can't blast our situationship to the world. Please don't tag me on social media, and don't send me invitations to your work/family functions or events. Major holidays -- more likely than not -- will be missed.
No discussions about "where this situationship is headed." We are where we will be; together, in this moment. Enjoy it.
Yes, I am still sleeping with my significant other. Again, focus on our time together, and not what I do while we are apart.
I am not interested in bringing a child into our situationship. By the way, an unplanned pregnancy will not force a relationship commitment of any kind from me, nor will it guarantee a promotion to main chick status for you.
There are no guarantees about the outcome of our situationship except one: I am a cheater at heart, and that won't change unless I want it to. Until that happens, if you are promoted to the main chick, please know that yet another sidechick will fill the vacancy that you've left behind.
And one last piece of advice that Big Mike wants Sidechicks to know: If you choose to enter into a situationship with an unavailable lover, do not get emotionally attached, as things won't be easy if you separate.
Don't @me Sis. :)
Top image: Posed by a professional model.