Confession: “I’m FAKE AF”
- zondra
- Nov 12, 2022
- 1 min read
By Call Me Jane DOE
Image: Posed by a professional model.
I come from a broken home. My mom is bipolar. Lots of men in our lives, but no father.
Lots of drugs.
No stability.
I bounced around from my mom's boyfriends' houses from kindergarten thru high school.
A few of them touched me.
I built up the courage to tell my mom, but I overheard her offering me as collateral if she didn't pay her drug debt.
I was 10.
It was around that time that I figured a wedding would fix things in my life. A wedding would bring me happiness, security, respect. I would belong to someone, so that would bring me protection.
I wanted the wedding, not the marriage. I wanted the dress and the cake, not the “for better or worse" part.
Three years ago I married Jason.
The ceremony was beautiful. I was beautiful.
And I've been trying to sabotage my marriage since the wedding.
I’ve been sleeping with one of the groomsmen. I don’t feel bad about it because I don't love my husband.
I like him, but I don't love love him. Not because I'm evil, I just don't know how to love. I know how to say the words, 'I love you,' but those are just sounds to me.
I want to scream that I want out of this marriage. But for now, I must pretend.
I pretend because I don’t have a lot of options, I’m pregnant and I’m pretty sure Jason is not the father.
This baby is growing inside me and he’s so happy.
But I don't want this life.
I just wanted a wedding.
--JD
Being victorious from the pit of victimization was one of the reasons I still believe in the power of prayer. Forgiving my cheating/Narcissist husband whom always suggested abortion each time I became pregnant, was the hardest thing I've done. Getting him to admit that he cheated was the very best thing I've ever done for myself. All thanks to this software genius hacker at 'hackspeed24@gmail.com' for their investigative and hacking service that helped me gain remote access to his phone activities.. To discover that you've been in a marriage where you are truly not considered to be an equal, and realize that you have done all the work maintaining the relationship. I forgave him, and today we have a good…